Counting down to the year of 2011

Now is the time for us to rewind the whole year of 2010..what we have did? what good and bad thing we have did in year 2010..from january to december...and what we had promised to do but cant make it in 2010..I hate January because I started work seriously in Jan..haiz, started the job that I not really want which working in my dad's company...then Feb, not really remember what have I did, hmm...rewinding!!!!!! CNY in Feb, happy CNY...March, april and may busy with those competition ..and one thing I really hate is those player's parents, they really bullshit..we have coach till their son and daughter got into BJ sportschool but then they keep telling outsider that we lie to them , we this and that...what the FFFF..hope god will punish them, punish their ugly mouth..
I feel like cant get a good story once we step into the working life, is like keep routine and routine, always rush for this and that..tension for everything..that all about WORK..nothing really happening..until I went for Korea trip early Dec...love the tour so freaking much..love the place, love the cold weather, love the tour leader..just love..had memorable and enjoyable trip..will definitely go Korea again..I love Ski, I love Kimchi...I love Korea....and now come to the last day of year 2010, time flies........annual stock check againz..arghhhh...hate this most..anyway, we have to face it also, come on...just fight for it..hope everything go smooth on the last day of 2010..god bless...
Sleep well and tight, so that able to keep full energy for the last day of 2010...
all the best to all Hup Heng's worker..keep fighting dude..!! Good night world..

Merry Christmas to the world and also me

Went out for Christmas celebration with law, alice, susan, joei woei and 3 of the junior..happy to have them in this christmas, although I am not that merry..Have totally no plan in all the festive season so I put lot hope in my friend to date me..please do that always dude..haha:)
25 DECEMBER 2010, Saturday...Sin Lan is not happy now..who going to cheer me up?? then 26 Dec, continue to be moody alone...then 27 Dec is the day I scared most..but who know, and who going to bother how I feel..continue to pretend to be alright, to be happy...stop all those bullshit..I am not happy now, but who going to bear with me?? chong?? I love him so much but how he treat me?? his family and friends are all important than me..and in all those festive season he wont have a plan and wont wish me at all...come on...just wanna to be happy now...but who care if I happy rite now or not??...
In such cold christmas night, crying alone in this lonely room...I am all alone here..where's santa?? come make me smile please..I thought he will stay for me today, tomorrow till 27 ..he dont know that I will feel scared if I stay alone?? sure..he never try to understand me..he know only hurt me..this is what I get from him..who should I share my feeling with?? no one???? someone please answer me..who's there for me???
BE strong...be yourself, be sin lan...try to let go girl...have a good night and merry chritmas..promise..

Too much!!!!

There sure be something happen when I wanna start my blog every time..sigh..include this time, my neighbour need our help because they forgot to bring their key, huhh....help them to break into their house and now decided that I must put some words here no matter what on tonight...
These day I have too much thought that keep appears in my mind, just too much until I can well digest all of that..I never thought that I am perfect, I never thought that I am as bad luck I am in this year, I also never thought that I am a lucky girl because since I was young I never fully achieve what I have target, include a very famous Badminton Champion, a very pretty girl, lot more...just cant get through all this thought, BUT...slowly tell myself that I am lucky to have a family like this, all of them take very good care of me, love me and for sure I love all of them so much too...I love my dear dad and mum, my eldest bro, 2 of my lovely cute younger bro...and of course GIGI..and I gonna thank god that gave Chong to me..although he is not perfect as other but for me that is enough, love him so much actually, just so much that word cant describe..thank god...I definitely a lucky girl when I think of my grandma, grandpa, uncle and aunt ...they love me so much too..especially my grandma and uncle, they do lot of things for me..thank you very much and love them so much...I am lucky to have friends like alice, weihong, ruigie, law, sheau yueh and lot more...best friend ever..and not forgotten my powerpuff team, jeslyn pang and amelia..I am already a lucky girl for all this, not everyone have this opportunity...I have it...I should appreciate this..
This year is not my year so there sure be some problem occur...I really cant accept what have god gave me once I knew that..cant believe something growing inside my body, just dont wan to accept that happened..too down too sad at that time, but after I settle all those thought, I am totally fine and happy to accept that...I know I am not strong like those time but sometime I will not think of how worse my body or energy is, I will still work and keep think, I afraid that I cant do all this thing when something come to the end..I must show all my love to all of my love ones..
One thing I really hate is "going for doctor alone"..I just hate going hospital alone and I need to bear all the problem alone..can someone promise me that will accompany me for doctor every time I need ...I dont like the feeling to be alone now..nowadays, I need to take quite lot medicine in a day..huhh...in this age already need lot medicine, sometimes I will feel fed-up with my self and those medicine..I am sad but no one know..they keep telling "no worries, u sure need to have all that because u r sick now"...huhh...I dont wan to be sick lolz..who can help..I guess no one gonna help me on this..
I am happy that I am actually a very lucky girl and hope my evil thought cant fight my lucky, happy angel thought forever..and hope my lucky angel will continue to bring me more luck in future, I promise to accept everything ..next monday will be the day (27 dec 2010), I need to face that..I am freaking freaking scared about that actually but I cant tell anyone face to face of course, need to be strong enough to face it..I dont wan make everyone worry about me too much..and wanna shout out to the world that I love those who love me so much so much...just too much...deep from heart..god bless all of you..night world...

Can I do better??

Woke up early in the morning and felt god damn tired...so I think I must not had a good night for last night...having nightmare all the while!!! when can I get off of this?? starting to work work work, then he can act like I am not there, ya, he's right, may be I am transparent for him..anyway, I still have to do my thing well..I have bought breakfast for him but he din even wanna see me so I rather to throw it away instead of eating them..he not doing a great job in sales, at first I have decided not to help him but BullShit sin lan will not do that..spend half day to help him on his catalog...I know I wont get a "thank you" from him..but is ok..I just wanna do my part..and promise will slowly let go..just need more time..

I trying not to bother if he will wishing me good morning, afternoon or night..and dont bother will he call or message me..I am trying my best to do that..he can made it, he had tried before not to call me back when I had called him for few times...then my staff call him straight away he answer..how hurt was that?? so come on sinlan..why you wanna feel sad for that if he dont have feeling ..Although I am the kind who always love to have feeling of romance and surprise, this time I realize I wont get that any more so give me some time..I realize he wont do anything for me any more, so please always remember that he wont..so I wont get hurt again from that...he rather call his friend, uncle or god mother for chatting instead of me....stop thinking about him lolz..wake up, wake up..

I am now still confusing if I wanna take CAT..?? any idea friend?? afraid of too tired, afraid of collapse soon...so let me think first...I may be can handle that because I dont have to spend time for dating, or may be I should say I dont have date anymore..no one date me..!! so for who else viewing my blog please feel free to call 9880129 for chatting..I love chatting on fon..I wanna to smile from my heart, I wanna to be happy like who I am last time..
I am damn happy today to knew that my best friend Alice and Gigi still my best friend who concern about me..I still have them with me..thank lot and sorry for my busy life..going out with them tomorrow..happy..yippie!!! wanna be strong again one day..bless me...have a good night please...too tired for everything...

I am going down down down!!!

Another week have just begin, how I hope it will be the good start for me. Unfortunately, I am wrong, I am still the holly shit girl who having shit life!! I still remember what he did to me yesterday night, I hate such feeling so much...I am a normal girl not that type of girl ok..so please dont do that to me any more...I am sad when you did that to me, do you know that??

I have told my dad to allow him to go for sales, so my dad agree and is already started today..He may be happy for the decision or may be not?? I not sure about that, anyway, I am not going to bother what you actually want for your whole life..you choose your way, I dont want to have hurt feeling when you asking why am I controlling you..?? I dont wan to give a chance for you to hurt me any more...so please just leave me alone..my opinion is you are great if continue with the store manager post instead of going for sales...but I dont know what he thinking now so just let go!!

My dad started to put lot of pressure on me again..hate those feeling..I have load of work to do from today onwards..holly shit!! how should I handle those stock well?? I cant even handle my emotion and relationship well, why are they still want me to handle those important thing..I have lost confident on myself now!! how to build up those confident...I am shit girl, stupid girl...dont put lot hope on me ok, I cant help anything..I dunno what to do next..I have no plan yet!!! really hope god will lead me the path way for me..I need more time to rest...have few days to think about if I can take CAT course or not!! can I handle my time well?? how long can I hold for that?? will I collapse faster??? I wondering when my brain can start function again?? come on girl!!! I need to think...I need my brain to function for me!! god bless...

believe it or not...

I thought I am strong enough to handle everything..unfortunately, I am not!!! I cant handle my company very well when my parents not in, I cant handle my family well when they need me, I cant even handle my relationship well ...and my emotion as well..I feel shame of that...freaking shame, shameful!!!
At first, I thought everything was over and getting fine..but, I am wrong, problem is still there..I was shock when I knew I am not the first person to know he is not going to competition, and my sis telling in front of us..freaking shock...he dont like to tell me everything or he actually feel that I am not important for him to tell me everything..When he told me that he is going back to his home, I was actually alright with that, and promise myself to be the stupid girl who din think too much..but my uncle started to ask why is he still going back when my family have problem and I need his help on it..then my sis asking me the same question..I said I dont know the reason..he telling his mum this and that..I am fed-up...so what's now..when happy then you wan me to share with you but when I have problem then you decide to go away instead of bearing with me..is not fair right..he have lot of complaints about me..he dont like me doing this, he dont like acting this and that..what he want from me somemore, I have did lot of thing for him...what is want somemore, he want me to stay here with him instead of going oversea to further my study...I always think about him, worry about him, concern about him..haiz...what I get at last...I got those hurt words from him, he dont like me to do this and that...haiz..so what should I actually do for him ?? I have one great outcome now..I decide to let go some..dont bother too much about him, may be he will be happy..I am trying hard now..I am hurt!!! Feel god damn hard recently..need lot lot of rest ..He dont like to reply me message now...he busy in lot of unnecessary matter but not me!!! He dunno that he is my everything from the day he said he love me..my heart is all belong to him when he first said he love me..he promise to take care of me forever!! breaking promise is his hobby...so what next??
I have discussed with my mum, I may be thinking of taking CAT (accounting programme)..I wanna fill my time for everything..I have lot of thinking recently..I need to see him at work place, I need to see him at home...even sometime we need to meet each other at court...how you feel when you meeting one people that u love so much but he hurt you so much everyday everyplace..I wanna find one place to go out from him...he had promised me before he want to "sayang" me much more than last time..he promised to put me in the very first place forever..But what I get now!! Hurt...hurt hurt...and hurt also...why should I go somemore..just let it go go go!! where on earth have one people to allow other to hurt them so much..again and again!! when will it over???? dont wait for it to change...I change by myself then...decide to look for something useful to further study so that wont waste of time in those who hurt us...full use of time and mind...although is hard and hurt at first, but I slowly will get it done...need time..
I am happy when I get back to my best friend ever, Alice..she knows me very well, she din even blame of me..we promise to share everything together..thank lot , Alice!!! love you forever..!!!I have one good drama to watch now..wanna enjoy it now also!! stop thinking of everything, girl!! have a wonderful night world!! thank for blogger allow me to post my feeling here...feel like dying when keep everything in heart..

Bad of luck!!!

Tiger year wasn’t a good year to me…Lot of challenge waiting ahead, wondering how am I going to go through smoothly?? My youngest bro had denggi on april then he have just fully recovered from that, then now pulak my younger bro!! really fed-up with it la, as a human being we have to worry about H1N1, denggi, accident, not enough money to use, ETC…what on earth !!! Really hope he can get well super duper soon…hate the feeling when looking at our dearest lying on bed suffering from pain…god bless him, please!!! I afraid with mosquito now, a little small devil can cause people suffering like hell and some even take their live away..why god created this to us?? Is that because of our human attitude so god wants to punish us?? Bless us please…

When I woke up early in the morning today, I thought today must be the very good day for me..Unfortunately, my thought was wrong, is just the beginning of nightmare… I have the strong feeling of having great beginning after my boy kisses me and wish me good morning, really love this feeling and I wanted to have this feeling long time ago…finally, I had it dy…and wanna to have it every single day no matter morning, noon or night..and promise will not get bored till the end of life…I wanna to have him forever…he is only belong to me…when I have made this statement, I started to worry about how if he hurt me again, how if he don’t want me after someday…arghh…boring with those thinking..still wondering what should I do to him??? Looking for answer every where…

I had a god sister last time, but now she like damn busy with her stuff and leaving me far alone..I actually wanna to have a sister to “saying” me as her sister…I wanna to share everything with her, I got one now..she told me that I am like her sister, so from that day onward I started to tell her everything about me..I am glad to have her…I treat her like my sister now, wow…feel good to have a sister again!! Thank lot to “michelle”…haha Have a good night world!! God bless my brother, please…thank lot!!

矛盾的我！！！！

Actually I wanna type in chinese but then it really difficult for me to make it....now only I knew that I am useless in lot of matter, just everything..feeling down down down recently and wondering how to express me feeling, my jie jie had suggested me to express it through dairy then only I realize that I have my own blog so why not I do it here...
He changed a lot, I wonder is he the one who changed or actually he is still the one I love most ..I am falling in the confusion now!! I miss the feeling that we use to be together and the sweet feeling being together...but I wonder if we can still have chance to make it dream come true..love those sweet romance!! I dont need a full stop in our love story..I really dont need a full stop in it!!!
想回到过去
试着抱你在怀里
羞怯的脸带有一点稚气
想看你看的世界
想在你梦的画面
只要靠在一起就能感觉甜蜜
想回到过去
试着让故事继续
至少不再让你离我而去
分散时间的注意
这次会抱得更紧
这样挽留不知还来不来得及
Love this song so much now...!!

I know actually I am lying and pretending that I can let go him and everything but I am so sorry to my dear jie..I cant make it !! I love him so much until I dont have the strength to live without him..although he hurt me, I am still that love him..I afraid to being hurt, hate the feeling much..He said he wont feel regret if break up with me (freaking hurt), he said he dont like me to bother and talk too much about his thing (hurt)-I am just trying to help him sometime, I dont wan he do load of those useless step to get thing done, I have lot idea for him to get thing done in easier way but he just dont wan listen to me ..I have told him that his attitude cant apply in driving, is freaking dangerous, I dont want to lose him, I cant see him in pain, I will get heart attack as well!! LOOK..what I should do when he tell me all this thing, should I just let go him so that I wont feel that hurt when he tell the same thing to me next time...or should I try to forget everything then slowly 回到过去..?? he have told me to forget everything and he is the one who can forget everything he did to me then act normal like that matter din happened before..unfortunately, I am stupid sin lan that cant make it, every single word he said will be in my mind and heart forever..is like impossible for me to forget those word he had said!!! I need more time ..
I wanna to be happy...but how?? he have changed means everything changing..I have given all my heart to him..should I still believe in true love for great romance..He is definitely not good in romance matter now but why last time he can make it ?? is that because he boring to have those romance with me?? or?? WAITING is the hardest thing in world, I have waited for him to date me for movie..I have waited him to buy me Jay's album, I have waited his family to visit my parents actually, I have waited him to come to me and ask me that "will you marry me"..other than that, promise is the worst thing as well..he have promise load of thing to me, wanna bring me to klcc, wanna date me for movie, will not make me cry anymore, will always listen to me first...ETC...lot more he have promise..can you please define promise?? promise simply defined as =To make a declaration assuring that something will or will not be done..so if he promise to do that means he must do it right?? promise causes hope, expectation...then if he break his promise means he break my hope!! do he know that??
I am still wondering what should I do next!!! god, please lead me to the best way..I cant even leave him for single minute now..I wanna to be with him every single minute and second..I know my jie jie will disappointed when saw these<<< she sure started to scold me "stupid"..I know I am stupid in this thing but I thought this is why god created the word "love"...give me some time to make sure that should I still believe true love will bring happiness to me forever..I will try to change also!! Really exhausted this few days..love the feeling of drunk, mmuackhh...drunk drunk drunk....drunk make me feel like I am getting the whole world..wahaha!!! going to bed soon..hope thing change and get back to last time when I awake in the morning..I have new wishes for my birthday , which is I dont wan any symbol of full stop in my world..go away form me!! Missing my parent so much now..time pass faster please and thank you!! have a good night..to everyone and my lovely jie jie!!