Thank God....

Thank god for sending me a god "brother" that really care about me..is just like sending me a jacket and hot choc in winter...Chong hurt me too much, he din even wanna bother our relationship...he din even bother my feeling, I seriously dunno what he want from me and what he expect me to do for him..but anyway, my heart already like totally broken and cant feel anything rite that minute...all I can do is let him decide everything, and I will try my best to let go everything soon..I really cant believe he did that to me again and again and again...is that means he love me still..

God sent me a very good god brother so that I able to continue my path alone without chong..Just wanna let chong know, I really cant stand for it dy...if someone ask me who I love most, for sure is always YOU..but may be you already forget the love for me..I really hurt....hurt a lot...luckily, god sent someone here to take over your place to take care of me..really make me feel so touch, he is always there for me when I need him...he is just like my angel...love this brother so much...will do everything for him..thank god...

Today, 24 april 2011....I love today ...just love today...thank chong that hurt me so damn much on today...thank lot to my dear brother that gave so much love for me on today also...god wanna show the difference to me on today...God just arranged all this thing happen in same day so that I can feel which is more important in their heart...for chong, is definitely not me...but for my bro definitely is me...haha:) Love this feeling lol..

Hope will have a good night ...and sweet dream as well....

Greatz.....I knew it....

This is the day he told me all those shit thing....just like bull that simply shit here and there...Do I create problem?? He telling I am the trouble maker, I am the one who should fix all this...He using two chinese word to totally break my heart till cant even gum back, "FAN GAN" ...these word hurt me till like I am vampire who already died...then when I realize that I am still alive, my tears coming out from my eye..he giving me no hapiness, nothing..he make my love life suck, like I am single...that still envy those who dating outside..ok...at last, I am the trouble maker....the main trouble maker...chong li qun, you happy with that...
Last time, you wanna come back to me then you treat me like your only angel, but what now?? you promised you will treat me like princess forever..but what now?? you din even bother what you had promised...can you define the word PROMISE?? But now you make me feel everything in your life more important than me, just everything...then where should I stand?? then now you telling I am the trouble maker..you wanna leave here, then just go...if you want me to change then I change la..you dont want to bother me then just dont..I am ok with it...just need time to overcome this thing in my heart, take time...you dont wan me to be trouble maker then ok...I promised you 10 things...then I will do ok...I wont break promise like you did...I know the definition of promise very clear..I love you...this is the conclusion...I can only have you in my life...but now seems like different..you change...you totally change...I am so sorry to myself...Feel so sorry for my heart...I did not know this happen to make my heart hurt like this..I am so sorry to my heart, I did not know love can be like this..I did not know love can hurt so much...I thought love should be romantic that make everyone happy..I really did not know so much about love...so I will beware of love now...get too much of hurt...just too much...
I am totally stuck now..stuck in nowhere...I need someone to help me...need it so much...I cant stand alone for this long...I am not that strong like you guys thought, I am so sorry to disappointing you guys so...I am actually suck like other normal girl..I really dont know what should I do..I wanna run away from all this shit..can I just put away my family, player, work ..then leave them like this only..if yes then where should I go?? any idea guys? i seriously need help...I am stuckk...I knew this day will come to me..face it or leave it???? dying la....

Chinese New Year Eve...heading to the brand new rabbit year..

Still have 15 minutes leave before rabbit year...In this Tiger's year, I have totally out of luck in everything, which include health, love, family and lot more..so I really hope in the brand new rabbit will bring me luck in everything...god bless me please, I really had enough of bad luck and need some good luck to cheer me up again...
First bad, my health...dengue, asma, sick and sick again, the "THING" inside my body, then fever and fever again...gosh, really need to get off these thing..make me weak...So, I really hope in the rabbit year, I will as cute as rabbit and as strong as a dragon which I use to be...wahahhaaa...
Second bad, about family...I concern about my grandma so much..so I really keep searching some medicine for her to cure every pain in her body..then last month, I bought some medicine for her leg pain, then make her feel more weak ...I called doctor to ask about that, then doctor told me that will happen to her because of her weak body, then the medicine cant match with blood which contains sugar so this is what happen to my grandma...huhhhh...freaking sad and down...dunno how to face my grandma now..she keep telling that is because of my medicine to make her so weak now ..gosh...presssure lol...
Third bad, all about love...I cant believe he treat me like this...every single thing important than me in his life...so how do I going to take him as my husbadn to protect me forever...so have lot deal with him..but...I sure end up with forgiving him again and again because my love to him is too too too deep...I dunno how much I love him..I dunno how deep I love him..I worry bout him too too much that words cant describe..but why he still keep hurt-ing me like this...so I really hope I will have a brand new rabbit love in rabbit year...rabbit please bless me..hahaha..thank...
And now is the time....Happy Chinese Rabbit Year to the world...!!!!! I hope rabbit year of 2011 will bring luck, hapiness, love , health and proeperity to my family and friends....I love all of them so much...love both my grandma and grandpa..mmuackhh...love my lovely dad and mum, mmuackhh...love all three of my bro, mmuakhh...love all of my uncle, aunt and cousin..mmuackkhhh...and for sure love all my friends..,mmmuackhh....
For sure, not forgotten my love one, chong...I love you so much..that words cant describe..although we have trouble in our relationship..but no matter how or what happen or we cant get together..I will still love you...best of luck world..!! haha...gonna help my mum to prepare those red packets...Good night world..!!

Counting down to the year of 2011

Now is the time for us to rewind the whole year of 2010..what we have did? what good and bad thing we have did in year 2010..from january to december...and what we had promised to do but cant make it in 2010..I hate January because I started work seriously in Jan..haiz, started the job that I not really want which working in my dad's company...then Feb, not really remember what have I did, hmm...rewinding!!!!!! CNY in Feb, happy CNY...March, april and may busy with those competition ..and one thing I really hate is those player's parents, they really bullshit..we have coach till their son and daughter got into BJ sportschool but then they keep telling outsider that we lie to them , we this and that...what the FFFF..hope god will punish them, punish their ugly mouth..
I feel like cant get a good story once we step into the working life, is like keep routine and routine, always rush for this and that..tension for everything..that all about WORK..nothing really happening..until I went for Korea trip early Dec...love the tour so freaking much..love the place, love the cold weather, love the tour leader..just love..had memorable and enjoyable trip..will definitely go Korea again..I love Ski, I love Kimchi...I love Korea....and now come to the last day of year 2010, time flies........annual stock check againz..arghhhh...hate this most..anyway, we have to face it also, come on...just fight for it..hope everything go smooth on the last day of 2010..god bless...
Sleep well and tight, so that able to keep full energy for the last day of 2010...
all the best to all Hup Heng's worker..keep fighting dude..!! Good night world..

Merry Christmas to the world and also me

Went out for Christmas celebration with law, alice, susan, joei woei and 3 of the junior..happy to have them in this christmas, although I am not that merry..Have totally no plan in all the festive season so I put lot hope in my friend to date me..please do that always dude..haha:)
25 DECEMBER 2010, Saturday...Sin Lan is not happy now..who going to cheer me up?? then 26 Dec, continue to be moody alone...then 27 Dec is the day I scared most..but who know, and who going to bother how I feel..continue to pretend to be alright, to be happy...stop all those bullshit..I am not happy now, but who going to bear with me?? chong?? I love him so much but how he treat me?? his family and friends are all important than me..and in all those festive season he wont have a plan and wont wish me at all...come on...just wanna to be happy now...but who care if I happy rite now or not??...
In such cold christmas night, crying alone in this lonely room...I am all alone here..where's santa?? come make me smile please..I thought he will stay for me today, tomorrow till 27 ..he dont know that I will feel scared if I stay alone?? sure..he never try to understand me..he know only hurt me..this is what I get from him..who should I share my feeling with?? no one???? someone please answer me..who's there for me???
BE strong...be yourself, be sin lan...try to let go girl...have a good night and merry chritmas..promise..

Too much!!!!

There sure be something happen when I wanna start my blog every time..sigh..include this time, my neighbour need our help because they forgot to bring their key, huhh....help them to break into their house and now decided that I must put some words here no matter what on tonight...
These day I have too much thought that keep appears in my mind, just too much until I can well digest all of that..I never thought that I am perfect, I never thought that I am as bad luck I am in this year, I also never thought that I am a lucky girl because since I was young I never fully achieve what I have target, include a very famous Badminton Champion, a very pretty girl, lot more...just cant get through all this thought, BUT...slowly tell myself that I am lucky to have a family like this, all of them take very good care of me, love me and for sure I love all of them so much too...I love my dear dad and mum, my eldest bro, 2 of my lovely cute younger bro...and of course GIGI..and I gonna thank god that gave Chong to me..although he is not perfect as other but for me that is enough, love him so much actually, just so much that word cant describe..thank god...I definitely a lucky girl when I think of my grandma, grandpa, uncle and aunt ...they love me so much too..especially my grandma and uncle, they do lot of things for me..thank you very much and love them so much...I am lucky to have friends like alice, weihong, ruigie, law, sheau yueh and lot more...best friend ever..and not forgotten my powerpuff team, jeslyn pang and amelia..I am already a lucky girl for all this, not everyone have this opportunity...I have it...I should appreciate this..
This year is not my year so there sure be some problem occur...I really cant accept what have god gave me once I knew that..cant believe something growing inside my body, just dont wan to accept that happened..too down too sad at that time, but after I settle all those thought, I am totally fine and happy to accept that...I know I am not strong like those time but sometime I will not think of how worse my body or energy is, I will still work and keep think, I afraid that I cant do all this thing when something come to the end..I must show all my love to all of my love ones..
One thing I really hate is "going for doctor alone"..I just hate going hospital alone and I need to bear all the problem alone..can someone promise me that will accompany me for doctor every time I need ...I dont like the feeling to be alone now..nowadays, I need to take quite lot medicine in a day..huhh...in this age already need lot medicine, sometimes I will feel fed-up with my self and those medicine..I am sad but no one know..they keep telling "no worries, u sure need to have all that because u r sick now"...huhh...I dont wan to be sick lolz..who can help..I guess no one gonna help me on this..
I am happy that I am actually a very lucky girl and hope my evil thought cant fight my lucky, happy angel thought forever..and hope my lucky angel will continue to bring me more luck in future, I promise to accept everything ..next monday will be the day (27 dec 2010), I need to face that..I am freaking freaking scared about that actually but I cant tell anyone face to face of course, need to be strong enough to face it..I dont wan make everyone worry about me too much..and wanna shout out to the world that I love those who love me so much so much...just too much...deep from heart..god bless all of you..night world...

Can I do better??

Woke up early in the morning and felt god damn tired...so I think I must not had a good night for last night...having nightmare all the while!!! when can I get off of this?? starting to work work work, then he can act like I am not there, ya, he's right, may be I am transparent for him..anyway, I still have to do my thing well..I have bought breakfast for him but he din even wanna see me so I rather to throw it away instead of eating them..he not doing a great job in sales, at first I have decided not to help him but BullShit sin lan will not do that..spend half day to help him on his catalog...I know I wont get a "thank you" from him..but is ok..I just wanna do my part..and promise will slowly let go..just need more time..

I trying not to bother if he will wishing me good morning, afternoon or night..and dont bother will he call or message me..I am trying my best to do that..he can made it, he had tried before not to call me back when I had called him for few times...then my staff call him straight away he answer..how hurt was that?? so come on sinlan..why you wanna feel sad for that if he dont have feeling ..Although I am the kind who always love to have feeling of romance and surprise, this time I realize I wont get that any more so give me some time..I realize he wont do anything for me any more, so please always remember that he wont..so I wont get hurt again from that...he rather call his friend, uncle or god mother for chatting instead of me....stop thinking about him lolz..wake up, wake up..

I am now still confusing if I wanna take CAT..?? any idea friend?? afraid of too tired, afraid of collapse soon...so let me think first...I may be can handle that because I dont have to spend time for dating, or may be I should say I dont have date anymore..no one date me..!! so for who else viewing my blog please feel free to call 9880129 for chatting..I love chatting on fon..I wanna to smile from my heart, I wanna to be happy like who I am last time..
I am damn happy today to knew that my best friend Alice and Gigi still my best friend who concern about me..I still have them with me..thank lot and sorry for my busy life..going out with them tomorrow..happy..yippie!!! wanna be strong again one day..bless me...have a good night please...too tired for everything...