I thought I am strong enough to handle everything..unfortunately, I am not!!! I cant handle my company very well when my parents not in, I cant handle my family well when they need me, I cant even handle my relationship well ...and my emotion as well..I feel shame of that...freaking shame, shameful!!!
At first, I thought everything was over and getting fine..but, I am wrong, problem is still there..I was shock when I knew I am not the first person to know he is not going to competition, and my sis telling in front of us..freaking shock...he dont like to tell me everything or he actually feel that I am not important for him to tell me everything..When he told me that he is going back to his home, I was actually alright with that, and promise myself to be the stupid girl who din think too much..but my uncle started to ask why is he still going back when my family have problem and I need his help on it..then my sis asking me the same question..I said I dont know the reason..he telling his mum this and that..I am fed-up...so what's now..when happy then you wan me to share with you but when I have problem then you decide to go away instead of bearing with me..is not fair right..he have lot of complaints about me..he dont like me doing this, he dont like acting this and that..what he want from me somemore, I have did lot of thing for him...what is want somemore, he want me to stay here with him instead of going oversea to further my study...I always think about him, worry about him, concern about him..haiz...what I get at last...I got those hurt words from him, he dont like me to do this and that...haiz..so what should I actually do for him ?? I have one great outcome now..I decide to let go some..dont bother too much about him, may be he will be happy..I am trying hard now..I am hurt!!! Feel god damn hard recently..need lot lot of rest ..He dont like to reply me message now...he busy in lot of unnecessary matter but not me!!! He dunno that he is my everything from the day he said he love me..my heart is all belong to him when he first said he love me..he promise to take care of me forever!! breaking promise is his hobby...so what next??
I have discussed with my mum, I may be thinking of taking CAT (accounting programme)..I wanna fill my time for everything..I have lot of thinking recently..I need to see him at work place, I need to see him at home...even sometime we need to meet each other at court...how you feel when you meeting one people that u love so much but he hurt you so much everyday everyplace..I wanna find one place to go out from him...he had promised me before he want to "sayang" me much more than last time..he promised to put me in the very first place forever..But what I get now!! Hurt...hurt hurt...and hurt also...why should I go somemore..just let it go go go!! where on earth have one people to allow other to hurt them so much..again and again!! when will it over???? dont wait for it to change...I change by myself then...decide to look for something useful to further study so that wont waste of time in those who hurt us...full use of time and mind...although is hard and hurt at first, but I slowly will get it done...need time..
I am happy when I get back to my best friend ever, Alice..she knows me very well, she din even blame of me..we promise to share everything together..thank lot , Alice!!! love you forever..!!!I have one good drama to watch now..wanna enjoy it now also!! stop thinking of everything, girl!! have a wonderful night world!! thank for blogger allow me to post my feeling here...feel like dying when keep everything in heart..
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